tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41750776156335815062011-11-27T15:40:31.122-08:00A collection of funny jokes and all humorous things.Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comBlogger401100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-85433923228117644912009-05-26T07:02:00.000-07:002009-05-26T07:04:35.506-07:00

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were walking along the beach. Suddenly, Justin says, "Aww, Britney, look at the dead birdie."Britney looks up at the sky and says, "Where?!"

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-90414331189100937162009-03-22T13:47:00.001-07:002009-03-22T13:47:40.289-07:00

I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac.I was against it and an argument started.I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"And I said "See, even people who write viruses don't support Macs."

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-76927303486177642802009-03-15T10:09:00.001-07:002009-03-15T10:09:58.303-07:00

10. Keep your back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.9. Form a loose grip.8. Keep your head down.7. Avoid a quick backswing.6. Stay out of the water.5. Try not to hit anybody.4. If you are taking too long, you should let others go ahead of you.3. You shouldn't stand directly in front of others.2. Be quiet while others are about to go.1. Keep strokes to a minimum.

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-77696263211251664442009-01-15T10:56:00.000-08:002009-01-15T10:57:05.426-08:00

Knock KnockWho's there?Avocado!Avocado who?Avocado a cold!Knock KnockWho's there?Axel!Axel who?Axeldental Tourist!Knock KnockWho's there?Atch!Atch who?I'm sorry I didn't know you had a cold!Knock KnockWho's there?Athena!Athena who?Athena flying saucer!Knock KnockWho's there?Argo!Argo who?Argo down the shops!

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-16741048200675641862008-12-21T02:28:00.001-08:002008-12-21T02:28:29.357-08:00

Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" said the lawyer.Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-63008398759705475672008-11-29T09:52:00.001-08:002008-11-29T09:52:44.911-08:00

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?""Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-28264697342354219452008-11-16T01:32:00.001-08:002008-11-16T01:32:59.716-08:00

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry.""No, it's not that. This day

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-30382757041242022672008-09-21T04:09:00.000-07:002008-09-21T04:10:15.569-07:00

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven where he's met by a reception committee of angels. After a whirlwind tour, The Pope is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available.He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, so he spends the next eon or so learning the languages.After becoming a linguistic master, he sits down in the

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-56061817389621355672008-09-15T07:56:00.000-07:002008-09-15T07:57:29.426-07:00

Bill: ``Honey, we won!''Hillary: ``Honestly?!''Bill: ``Let's not bring that up...''Clinton is trying to tell us a no-frills medical care plan. Trouble is, medical care is a frill.Bill: ``Have you heard my last speech?''Hillary: ``No, I didn't know it was the last one!''Want to leave the other country absolutely devasted? Ruined? Unable to function for years?Well, great, bring the troops home and

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-33488503140819100682008-09-08T06:38:00.000-07:002008-09-08T06:39:14.755-07:00

knock knockwho's there?eastereaster who?easter bunnyknock knockwho's there?anotheranother who?another easter bunnyknock knockwho's there?no moreno more who?no more easter bunnies, wait till next year!!

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-73983798987203163332008-08-07T07:36:00.001-07:002008-08-07T07:36:34.027-07:00

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?""I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-45881733208687436452008-06-25T08:16:00.001-07:002008-06-25T08:16:53.015-07:00

There once was a scientist who studied frogs. One day, the scientist put the frog on the ground and told it to jump. The frog jumped four feet. So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with four feet, jumps four feet." So the scientist cut off one of one of the frogs legs. The scientist told the frog to jump. Frog jumped three feet. So the scientist wrote in his note book, "Frog with three

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-27959900846752635722008-06-20T08:19:00.001-07:002008-06-20T08:19:27.997-07:00

A guy burned both of his ears... so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened.He said, ''I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang... So, instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear...''''But how the heck did you burn the other ear?'' The doctor asked.''They called back.''

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-3579372038545336432008-06-14T05:55:00.001-07:002008-06-14T05:55:52.317-07:00

What does Britney Spears and pepsi have in common?They both come with plastic jugs

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-74869341110009801662008-06-13T07:15:00.001-07:002008-06-13T07:15:51.338-07:00

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks. After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained."Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then he asks the middle aged couple the same

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-29218162725637764162008-02-22T06:19:00.001-08:002008-02-22T06:19:45.589-08:00

An older gentleman was playing a round of golf. Suddenly his ball sliced and landed in a shallow pond. As he was attempting to retrieve the ball he discovered a frog who, to his great surprise, started to speak! "Kiss me, and I will change into a beautiful princess, and I will be yours for a week." He picked up the frog and placed it in his pocket. As he continued to play golf, the frog repeated

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-22200012696982814332008-02-14T10:27:00.000-08:002008-02-22T06:19:13.041-08:00

Weak in mathBadong - Mayaman na tayo, marami tayong nakulimbat sa bangko.Bitoy - Magkano ang nahold-up natin?Badong - Mahina ako sa math, alamin na lang natin sa TV Patrol bukas.Priestly needsDamian - Father, bat may nakasampay na mga damit pambabae sa likod ngkumbento? May chicks kayo noh?Priest - Hoy, tumigil ka Damian! Sa kuripot nyong mag-abuloy sasimbahan tumatanggap na ako ng labada

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-50078446270406077392008-02-13T07:28:00.001-08:002008-02-22T06:18:38.981-08:00

Senior citizenIsang mag-asawang matanda na ang tinanglang nakawan ng dalawang lalaki na nanloobsa kanilang bahay. Tinutukan ng patalim ng isa sa dalawa ang matandang lalaki, 80,habang naghahanap ng mananakaw ang kasama. Nagkunyaring hinimatay ang asawangbabae na saglit na ikinagitla ng dalawa. Agad na tumakbo ang asawang lalaki atkinuha ang kanyang baril. Nang makita na armado na ang matanda ay

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-33361984303114876442008-02-12T09:47:00.000-08:002008-02-22T06:17:52.914-08:00

Under-ageIsang holdaper ng liquor store ang agad ding nahuli ng pulis. Ayon sa report, aalisna sana ang holdaper matapos limasin ang pera sa cash register nang humingi eto ngisang bote ng brandy na nakadisplay sa counter. Sinabi ng tindera na illegalmagbigay ng alak sa taong wala pang 23 anyos. Ipinakita naman ng lalaki ang kanyangID upang patunayan na 25 anyos na siya. Nakilala ng tindera ang

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-90738230740168314562008-02-10T05:01:00.000-08:002008-02-22T06:17:24.100-08:00

Bulag, eyewitness sa pagpatay. Nahuli ang suspect sa pagpatay ng isangbusinessman nang siya ay itinuro ng isang eye witness sa krimen. Nakilala pa rinang suspect maski bulag na ang isang mata ng eye witness.Plane crash, walang nakaligtas, ayon sa pilot. Napaulat na walangnakaligtas sa mga sakay ng bumagsak na Cessna plane ayon sa pilot ng Medivachelicopter na agad sumugod sa pinangyarihan ng

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-74741641773607586062008-02-07T07:11:00.001-08:002008-02-07T07:11:54.166-08:00

ExamsJhen - Wala akong nasagot sa exams natin kanina. Blank ang papel ko.Mary - Ako rin, blank ang test paper ko, ang hirap kase.Jhen - Naku, baka isipin ng teacher nagkopyahan tayo!Past, Present, and FutureTeacher - Fidel, ano ang past tense ng laba?Fidel - Naglaba, mam.Teacher - Good. Gloria, ano ang present tense ng laba?Gloria - Naglalaba, mam.Teacher - Very good! Joseph, ano ang future tense

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-89531516404948038362008-02-05T09:15:00.001-08:002008-02-05T09:15:37.049-08:00

Math problemJhan - Brad, busy ka ba? Kailangan ko ang tulong mo.Brad - Di naman. Ano bang kailangan mo?Jhan - Hindi ko kase masolve ang assignment natin sa math.Brad - Ha, ikaw na pinakamatalino sa klase, di masolve ang mathJhan - E, kase....Brad - Ako, ang pinakabobo sa klase, kailangan mo ang tulong ko?Jhan - Oo naman.Brad - O, sige, ano bang problema, tingnan ko....Jhan - E, kase nabali ang

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-25170705922983854362008-02-02T05:47:00.000-08:002008-02-02T05:48:19.196-08:00

History lessonTeacher - Who killed Ferdinand Magellan? The name starts with L and L.Student - Lito Lapid?Teacher - Wrong! Hint, matapang siya at walang kinatatakutan.Student - Mam, si Loren Legarda?Teacher - Wrong pa rin. Hint uli, inuulit kung bigkasin ang pangalan nya.Student - Naku, si Lot-lot Mam?History pa rinTeacher - Renato, kilala mo ba si Jose Rizal?Renato - Hindi po, Mam.Teacher -

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-37537017754750427652008-01-31T09:19:00.000-08:002008-01-31T09:20:16.819-08:00

Weak in mathBadong - Mayaman na tayo, marami tayong nakulimbat sa bangko.Bitoy - Magkano ang nahold-up natin?Badong - Mahina ako sa math, alamin na lang natin sa TV Patrol bukas.Priestly needsDamian - Father, bat may nakasampay na mga damit pambabae sa likod ngkumbento? May chicks kayo noh?Priest - Hoy, tumigil ka Damian! Sa kuripot nyong mag-abuloy sasimbahan tumatanggap na ako ng labada

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-91303409618129250732008-01-30T07:38:00.001-08:002008-01-30T07:38:48.017-08:00

Mayor - Ilang senador ang kailangan upang palitan ang sirang bombilyasa Senado?Erap - Tatlo. Isang senador para hawakan ang bombilya at dalawangsenador para paikutin ang hagdanan.Erap - Akyatin mo nga kung hinog na yung atis?Mayor - (Umakyat sa puno at pinisil ang bunga) Oo, hinog na!Erap - Sige bumaba ka na at susungkitin ko!Pauwi sa Pinas sakay ng 737 at katatapos lang manuod ng inflight movie:

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-19472416868021862382008-01-29T08:32:00.000-08:002008-01-29T08:33:03.657-08:00

SaltyMayor - Bakit maalat ang tubig sa dagat?Erap - Para hindi mapanis ang mga isda!Trip to JapanErap - Hello, how long is the flight to Japan?Operator - Just a minute sir...Erap - Ganun ba? Mabilis naman pala!Riches to ragsErap - Alam mo nung may kaya pa kami, nagkakamay kami kung kumainMayor - Ganun?Erap - Ngayong naghirap na, nakakutsara naman kami kung kumain.Mayor - Ha, baliktad yata. Bat

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-89313345521753813512008-01-27T04:19:00.000-08:002008-01-27T04:20:34.061-08:00

EarthquakeLumindol ng malakas sa Metro Manila. Nahintakutan si Mayor.Mayor - (Sumisigaw) Katapusan na...! Katapusan na...!Erap - Hoy, a kinse pa lang!Hello???Doc - O, bakit nasunog yang tenga mo?Erap - Kase namamalantsa ako nang magring ang cell phone ko.Aksidenteng yung plantsa ang napick-up ko.Doc - Eh, bat nasunog pati kabilang tenga mo?Erap - Bwisit yang si Mayor, tumawag ba naman uli!

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-47099961788160155972008-01-26T05:16:00.001-08:002008-01-26T05:16:33.426-08:00

Fair warningGirlfriend - Binabalaan kita, malapit nang dumating ang Daddy ko!Boyfriend - Ha, e wala naman akong ginawang masama ah?Girlfriend - Oo nga, kaya kung may binabalak ka gawin mo na.The wifeRomy - Oy, pwede raw magsama ng asawa sa company picnic natin.Maxie - Paano yan wala ka pa namang asawa?Romy - Walang problema, isasama ko asawa ng kumpare ko.For better or for worseMister - Hon, may

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-34112100619078285382008-01-25T08:14:00.000-08:002008-01-25T08:15:20.710-08:00

Rain, rain go awayErap - Inday bat di mo pa dinidiligan yung mga halaman natin sa labas?Inday - Sir, umuulan po.Erap - Sus, magkapote ka. Ang tamad mo!Ripe for pickingErap - Tingnan mo nga kung hinog na yung chico?Mayor - (Umakyat sa puno at pinisil ang bunga) Oo, hinog na!Erap - Sige bumaba ka na at susungkitin ko!Blood testMayor - Hatinggabi na nagbabasa ka pa ng libro.Erap - Sabi kase ni Doc,

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-52778373672634313872008-01-24T10:36:00.000-08:002008-01-24T10:37:27.861-08:00

Headless body na-identify sa dental records. Nakilala na ang identityng isang headless body sa pamamagitan ng kanyang dental records ilang arawmatapos ding matagpuan ang kanyang ulo malapit sa pinagtapunan ng kanyangkatawan sa Fairview, Quezon City.Bata, kinagat ng langgam, patay! Namatay na ang isang batang lalaki nanaaksidente matapos kagatin ng langgam. Ayon sa pulisya tumatawid sa kalye

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-60514476067014753302008-01-23T12:07:00.000-08:002008-01-23T12:10:34.831-08:00

Anniversary gift dawMisis - Hon, anong gift mo sa akin sa silver annivesary natin?Mister - Dadalhin kita sa Riyad.Misis - Wow, how sweet naman. E, sa golden anniversary natin?Mister - Susunduin na kita dun.PulutanMister - Hon, anung ulam natin?Misis - Andyan sa mesa, pumili ka.Mister - Hon, sardinas lang ang andito. Anu bang pagpipilian ko?Misis - Pumili ka kung kakain, o magrereklamo ka! (ngeek!

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-22218518833357961822008-01-22T09:41:00.000-08:002008-01-22T09:42:06.108-08:00

Three sportsmen - a Chinese, a Japanese, and a Filipino - meet at the bar forcocktails the night before the skills contest. As they were chatting, a mosquitoflew overhead making a buzzing sound. Irritated, the Chinese drew his sword,swung at the mosquito, and the mosquito fell crawling on the floor. "I cut off hiswings so he can't fly and bother us again." the Chinese said.As they continued with

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-38248618610076564772008-01-20T03:20:00.000-08:002008-01-20T03:21:07.800-08:00

carsford lynx P100.00 onlyfactory defect = tambutso nasa loobhonda accord P50.00 onlyfactory defect = manibela dual shock controller ng play stationhonda civic sir P50.00 onlyfactory defect = nasa ilalim ang pintuantoyota corolla P50.00 onlyfactory defect = gulong, sing laki ng ferris wheelcellphonesnokia 7110 P10.00 only latest modelfactory defect = ringing tones kasing lakas ng busina ng

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-37798134432056346142008-01-18T09:36:00.000-08:002008-01-18T09:38:12.370-08:00

Bilib dawErap - Pare, bilib ako sa bagong department store sa lugar namin.Mayor - Bakit mo naman nasabi?Erap - Pag di mo nagustuhan ang binili mo, ibabalik nila ang ibinayad mo.Mayor - Wala yan pare. Yung bagong hospital sa lugar namin pag di monagustuhan ang serbisyo ng doctor ibabalik nila ang sakit mo.PautangMayor - Pare, pautang naman ng isang libo, babayaran ko pagdating ngmisis ko galing

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-14755382888676581472008-01-17T12:43:00.000-08:002008-01-17T12:45:10.340-08:00

Ang taong walang bisyoPauper - Iho, palimos naman.Student - Ibibili nyo lang po ng sigarilyo.Pauper - Hindi ako naninigarilyo...Student - Siguro ibibili nyo po ng alak.Pauper - Hindi rin ako lasenggo...Student - Naku, malamang ibibili nyo ng droga!Pauper - Talagang wala akong bisyo...Student - Ganun po ba? Sumama kayo sa bahay.Pauper - Bakit?Student - Ipapakita ko kay Inay kung anung mangyayarisa

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-73363847418274278352008-01-17T07:16:00.001-08:002008-01-17T07:16:52.122-08:00

Laughter is an audible expression or appearance of merriment or amusement or an inward feeling of joy and pleasure (laughing on the inside). It may ensue (as a physiological reaction) from jokes, tickling and other stimuli. Inhaling nitrous oxide can also induce laughter; other drugs, such as cannabis, can also induce episodes of strong laughter. Strong laughter can sometimes bring an onset of

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-26140628418792054112008-01-16T13:38:00.001-08:002008-01-16T13:38:51.109-08:00

Killing Joke are an English post-punk rock band formed in 1979. Founding members Jeremy "Jaz" Coleman (vocal, keyboards and arrangements) and Geordie Walker (guitars) have been the only constant members.Original drummer "Big Paul" Ferguson once described their music as "the sound of the earth vomiting". Killing Joke's music typically consists of metallic guitars and heavy, tribal, and danceable

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-80298982870307138452008-01-12T13:47:00.000-08:002008-01-12T13:48:04.796-08:00

A practical joke or prank is a situation set up usually to produce what the perpetrator imagines to be a humorous outcome at the expense of the target. Practical jokes are distinct from slapstick comedy or knockabout, in which the goal is to make physical events appear miscalculated, inept, or stupid. The term practical refers to the fact that the joke consists of someone doing something (a '

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-4164845373079606302008-01-11T07:21:00.000-08:002008-01-11T07:22:45.401-08:00

A joke is a short story or ironic depiction of a situation communicated with the intent of being humorous. These jokes will normally have a punch line that will end the sentence to make it humorous. Joke can also be used as a slang term for a person or thing which is not taken seriously by others in general or is known as being a failure. A practical joke or prank differs from a spoken one in

Internet Marketing Optimizernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4175077615633581506.post-29371742029938236102008-01-07T07:00:00.000-08:002009-05-26T07:01:32.390-07:00

We respect your privacy and we are committed to safeguarding your privacy while online at our site http://alibata-jokes.blogspot.com. The following discloses the information gathering and dissemination practices for this Web site.Log FilesLike most standard Web site servers we use log files. This includes internet protocol (IP) addresses, browser type, internet service provider (ISP), referring/

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